Today would have been my dad's birthday.
I think it of it, every year it passes, and have for the past 20 or so years. But moreso this year. It's been 10 years since I had my first colonoscopy and I'm scheduled for my second.
But I'm five years late. Five years of giving birth, of being pregnant, of NOT having a primary care physician who would tell me that no, don't wait, you need to be screened every five years. Five years late, and just four years younger than my dad was when he died. Needless to say, I'm terrified.
Being a younger person being screened for a disease that doesn't usually require screening for those younger than 50 isn't as easy you'd think. I called my insurance company. Several times. I called doctors' offices. I called the insurance company again. One office refused to see me (the appointment taker exclaimed, "You're not 50!" when I gave my birth date, as though that was news to me). I called the office back and pleaded my case. It wasn't office policy. I have no symptoms (that I know of). When I told a coworker that making this appointment could be a matter of life or death, I wasn't exaggerating. If it's not found early, most people die. I kept calling. I got insurance codes to read back to my insurance company. My insurance company made calls. I finally got an appointment.
So now, here I am two or three weeks out from my appointment with a little box that contains what will undoubtedly be the worst "cleanse" one could imagine and a mind full of thoughts that go between positive thoughts and negative ones and pragmatic ones and a heart that is getting a little more fearful than I'd care to admit.
I have my step-by-step instructions - 5 days before; 3 days before; 1 day; day of. It's my timeline. My mental calendar ticks it off. Three weeks, 2 weeks, then the instructions begin.
But, in the meantime. I go to work. I do mom things. I cook. I'm a wife. I play with the dog.
And afterward, I want to go home. Sleep. I won't cook that day. Call my brother for his birthday. But otherwise, do those same things. For many, many more years.
